Dear Dr. Banner,
As requested, this letter will serve as notice of resignation from my position at Super H&V Clinic, effective immediately. Please allow me the opportunity to address the allegations registered against me.
First, although the Flash is a fearless crime fighter, he suffers from an acute case of trypanophobia. As a precaution, I asked my assistant, Eve, to restrain him during a routine vaccination. Mr. Flash seemed calm as I prepared the syringe. In the next moment, he vanished, and Eve appeared on my lap, rear-side-up. On further inspection, I saw I had injected the superhero-sized-dose of influenza vaccine into her gluteal region. She does not present any lasting symptoms, other than intense irritability when I attempt to interact with her.
In the case of Superman’s tetanus vaccination, his arms, thighs, and glutes of steel shattered multiple needles before I found a weak spot. (For confidentiality purposes, please consult file for location of aforementioned weak spot.) As far as the particles of Kryptonite found in the remaining vials, I can only assume Eve is dating Lex Luthor again. (Perhaps exacerbating her moodiness toward me?)
Lastly, I refused service to a client. I realize that by doing so, I have broken company policy. However, I stand by my decision; I believe it is ethically irresponsible to immunize vampires against blood-born diseases.
Thank you for the opportunity to work for Super H&V Clinic. I wish you and your staff (especially Eve) the best.
Sincerely,
Harold T. Osborn, NPHP
